To kindness we need to add love (2 Peter 1:7). Without love, our kind act can be condescending.
It may seem counterintuitive, but being aware our own foibles, our faults, our weaknesses will help us appreciate and love others. Our self righteousness blinds us to who we really are, neither can we see others clearly. When we experience losses due to our shortcomings and we see how our behavior has harmed others, we are far more patient when we experience loss as a result of other peoples choices.
Jesus put it this way, "Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye" ( Mathew 7:4).
To honestly love we must be able to accept the fact that we are all equally in need of a savior. We must recognize both healthy and poor behavior so that we can do the loving thing that fits the circumstance. Sometimes love is telling someone no. Sometimes love is saying yes. Open and honest communication will go a long way to understanding what is the most loving and kind decision.